It's Just One Moment
by Vaughn's Jenn
Summary: post THE TWO (sv angst... hehe to those who asked if i was doing a premiere fic;)) :A Jennfic:


**Title**: It's Just One Moment  
**Author**: Jenn  
**Rating**: PG/PG13  
**Summary**: Takes place after "The Two" .... sorry i just HAD to get the angst out!!!!!!  
  
I don't know yet if i'm going to continue this~ let me know!  
**Lyrics**: Walk On- U2  
**Suggested Soundtrack**: Walk On- U2  
  
  
**It's Just One Moment**  
  
  
  
  
  
It's just one moment.  
  
One moment of letting go.  
  
One moment of forgetting where you are... who you are... who you've lost.  
  
All it takes is that one slip in composure, that tiny lapse of judgement... that one moment where you let yourself go.  
  
  
And then you can't stop it, can't stop the torrent of remembering, the memories, the anguish... the disbelief in the words that you KNOW are not coming out of his mouth even as they are...   
  
... you can hear the voice in your head break, the lyrics of a hundred different songs running through your head, each one talking about heartbreak in their melodious voices, reaching you, touching your soul even as you _know_ that these singers don't know what they're singing about...   
  
...that there is no possible way that _anyone_ else has felt this pain that you feel now... this feeling that devours you, eat you alive until you begin to find solace in it.  
  
Because it tells you that you can still feel.  
  
_And love  
Is not the easy thing  
The only baggage  
That you can bring  
Not the easy thing  
The only baggage you can bring  
Is all that you can't leave behind_  
  
And you begin to cry even though you've promise yourself that you wouldn't.   
  
Promised that last time was the last time.  
  
Told yourself that you couldn't bear to lay in the dark, clutching your pillow and wishing that it was another body, hiding under the blankets, hugging yourself in the desperate hope that you would wake up to someone else's arms around you...  
  
But you can't.  
  
You can't stop the hot liquid sorrow from sliding down your cheeks, can't stop the slight clenching of your jaw as you work to keep the sobs inside.  
  
Feel your eyes flooding as memory after memory flood your system, fill your head.  
  
_"I got you a Christmas present."_  
  
Because despite everything that he hasn't done....   
  
... there's so much more that he has.  
  
  
_"My guardian angel."_  
  
  
The laughter, the smiles, the love that still weighs heavy on your heart overshadows the hate and the anger and the utter hopelessness that encase you. Keeps your heart alive.  
  
Even if you don't feel like you have one anymore.  
  
_"So I did it."  
  
"Did what?"  
  
"Booked the hotel."  
  
You laugh, shock, surprise, doubt, joy coursing through your veins. "You did not."  
  
"Yes I did. Three nights starting tonight."  
  
Oh God. Three nights. He's a genius.  
  
"You're a genius."  
  
There it is... that dimpled grin that lights up his eyes and your very soul.  
  
"Thank you."_  
  
  
He gave up.  
  
_"What it comes down to is **faith**."_  
  
He lied.  
  
_"Don't use that rational defense with me, Vaughn. You and I breathe madness every day of our lives. So don't use logic with me.   
  
How am I?  
  
I'm **HORRIBLE**."  
  
Choking up.  
  
"I'm **ripped apart**... not because i lost you... but... because... if it had been the other way around, I would have **waited**. I would have found out the truth."  
  
Can't speak.  
  
Throat closing.  
  
Pain everywhere, covering everything.  
  
"And that just shows me... what an absolute **waste** it would have been."_  
  
  
  
  
But he saved you.  
  
He helped you.  
  
He listened to you.  
  
  
  
  
he was **everything** to you.  
  
  
And now he's not.  
  
  
_And if the darkness is to keep us apart  
And if the daylight feels like it's a long way off  
And if your glass heart should crack  
And for a second you turn back  
Oh no, be strong_  
  
And so you sit there shaking on the floor of your new apartment.  
  
You can smell the sickeningly fresh paint coming from the walls.  
  
You can feel the prickly carpet under you.  
  
And you can feel how utterly alone you are.  
  
  
  
  
  
And you cry.  
  
  
  
  
And know in your heart that nobody understands.  
  
  
_"You can come to me for anything."_  
  
  
Because the one person who would  
_"Are you romantically interested in anyone right now?_  
the one person who **did**  
_"Wife? What wife? I have no wife."_  
doesn't want to anymore.  
  
_"You got married."  
  
"I did."_  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
And it hurts like hell.


End file.
